Letter chain
by Chibi Haku
Summary: (MAJOR SPOILERS) Still, my brother, I care for you more than I can ever say. Which is why I have to leave for awhile. I have to find who I am again. I have to learn to reign in my temper. (Swearing)
1. Edward leaves

Dear Al,

I don't know why I'm writing this, you'll probably never read it anyways. That's because you'll probably never get it.

I know, that would mean that it's probably pointless writing this, if that's the case, but what else can I do? The things that this letter contains, I'm too stubborn, or too stupid to tell you, to say out loud, so they have to be written.

The first thing I want you to know is that it wasn't your fault, and that I love you, And Winry too. You, my brother, and Winry? Winry is like a sister to me. (Don't worry, Al, I won't take her away from you.) I think that you and she are the reason that I've even come this far in my life. You wouldn't believe the amount of times I've thought, 'this is not worth all this pain' and wanted to give up, but then I've seen your face and realised that it was. You were there for me the whole time, and you cheered for me. Your courage brought me through.

That said, however, you are my greatest source of guilt. It is my fault (No matter how many times you say otherwise) that you are the way you are, and when I look into your eyes, I feel like crying, for I long to see you as you were, all those years ago. Not the way you are now. It's hard to explain my feelings to you, Al, I love you so much, but I hate what I have done to you. I hate seeing your metal face looking at me, when I know that it's my fault that you look that way.

But I guess that good things come from the horrible, sinful things I encouraged you to help me with. Though not nearly enough to atone for the pain that I must have caused you, you and I have met some fantastic people. There's Hawkeye, havoc, Maria, Fury, Farhman Breda... Even Mustang. They all have our best interests at heart. It's incredible, and Armstrong is right (Though I wish he wouldn't say it with pink sparkles and flexing muscles) Family is one of the most important things in the world, and these people are our family.

Yet more people for me to hurt, to kill, by sheer stupidity or accident.

Like Hughes.

It's sort of my fault that he died too, well, in a way. It's father's fault, for Hughes was killed trying to help us, killed by Envy. How is that father's fault? I haven't explained yet. I know. Envy is our older brother, who father brought back as a homunculus. Yeah, I was shocked too when I found out. Father had a son with someone else, before he met mum. But somehow, I can't see that Homunculus as part of our family, anymore than I can see Sloth as mum. I simply cannot make that connection. You are my only brother, Al. I love you.

But I don't know you. You know all my ins and outs, how I react, and in what situations. I'd like to say I know you the same, but you're always too damn sensible, and my anger doesn't help matters. I don't like my short fuse, I hate it. I wish I had your calm.

You always have acted the older brother, haven't you Al? Whereas I rest back on my talents and I got your body destroyed. I'm sorry. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am.

Your application has always been a strong reminder of my own laziness. Just as your calm serves to remind me of my own anger, your innocence of my bloodied hands.

Mother did come back you know, in a twisted wreck, struggling to breathe. I couldn't leave her like that, her exposed heart beating, blood, oh the blood everywhere, and spurting everywhere, and thinking back almost makes me feel sick. She was dying, Al, we brought her back, but the way she was? No one should live like that, even for moments. I couldn't just watch her in that much pain, and slowly dying Al! I had to do something. Please don't hate me.

But how can I ask you not to hate me when I hate myself? I see you, and I feel so guilty, I AM guilty, I see my hand, the left one, and I try to clean it of the blood that is there, but it won't go away. It doesn't seem fair to me that I lost only an arm and a leg, yet you lost your whole body. Why? You were the innocent one, and I corrupted you. I should have been punished, not you. Not like that.

I cannot tell you how much I hate the words "It's Perfect."

Nothing is ever perfect, not even God. He made me after all.

Still, my brother, I care for you more than I can ever say. Which is why I have to leave for awhile. I have to find who I am again. I have to learn to reign in my temper. Just so that I don't hurt you, or Winry, or Mustang, or anyone else again.

I'm going to talk with Teacher. She and I have been arranging this for awhile. She's going to leave me somewhere where I can think, and visit me once a week. Less, if I can convince her to. If you have any letters, send them to her, and I'll get them, I promise. Tell the others this too.

But I've made her promise not to tell you, or the military, or anyone whose last name is Elric or Rockbel where I am, my dear brother, I need to sort things out on my own this time.

I love you all so much, because no doubt Al is reading this out loud. I love you all more than I can say. You are my family.

I guess Al will get this letter after all.

Love, Edward Elric.

01/09

* * *

_.  
_

* * *

_This fic is a series of letters sent back and forth between the characters. The dates will be in the American style of month, day, rather than day, month, because we Australians will conform ourselves when necessary to avoid confusion. But if you see a date that does seem confusing or impossible, I've probably just slipped up and put the dates around the wrong way. Please forgive this._

_However, my spelling will not conform! -Armstrong sparkly pink things- MUAHAHAH! PROPER SPELLING HAS BEEN HANDED DOWN MY FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS!_

_Does anyone know the proper way to spell homunculus? I guessed._


	2. Reactions

_Okay, I'm sure some of you are wondering how this fic can be Angst AND humour at the same time. The answer is simple. Some of the 'letter chains' in this fic are purely to lighten the mood and take away from the main plot the 'angstyness' of Ed and his guilt, and the disappointment Al has because he thinks he failed his brother._

_In particular, the letters between Ed and Roy are purely for humour content._

* * *

.

* * *

Brother,

I don't understand why you had to leave, without telling us like that. We were in all such a panic looking for you, Colonel Mustang as well, though I doubt that you will believe that.

He was the one who actually found your letter this morning, as we were searching everywhere for you. I'm surprised that I didn't see it when I thought that you were in the study, but then again, your desk isn't the cleanest of places. It's next to impossible to find anything there. When you come home again, please clean it brother. For me?

No, the colonel didn't read the letter, he just handed it to me. He had the strangest look on his face, Brother, almost as if he knew what you had done. I almost wish I hadn't read it out loud now; there were so many things in that letter that I believe you wouldn't have wanted him to hear. But then again, your prediction that I would meant that well, you wrote things carefully.

If that is the case, brother, the feelings that you spoke of in the letter, were they muted?

Winry, myself, and everyone else do not blame you, Brother, for what you had to do. Which is why we, and everyone else is so surprised at what happened. You hadn't let on to any of us, even the ones who know you so well, that you were going to do this. Teacher didn't either, but then, Teacher I good like that.

You say that I know you better than you know me. That is a lie, brother, and you know it. If anything, I don't know you as well as I would like to, because you are incredibly secretive, even from me. You claim I know the ins and outs of your personality, however, I didn't know half the things contained in that letter and I feel guilty for it.

Do not feel guilty for me, Brother, I'm just happy you kept me alive, and, if anything, it's my fault that we went through with the transmutation, because I could have said no.

Everyone was so touched about what you said about them, how you think that they are family, but brother, we're all worried about you! What do you mean you don't want us to get close because you might kill us? We want to be there for you! You do not have to take the world on your shoulders. You could not have saved Hughes, do you hear me Brother? You couldn't have.

You'd laugh if I told you I was crying, wouldn't you. But I would be, if I could. I feel so terribly hopeless, not being able to do anything to help you. I'd love to say these things in person, but much like you, I would probably be too shy to.

Come, Brother, come back home, and we'll work out these things together, as a family, with Winry and Aunty Pinnako and everyone else, just like we should. None of us blame you for wanting time away, but we just don't understand why?

Why do you feel as if you have to shoulder this burden on your own, my brother? Why?

Your loving Younger brother,

Al.

01/10

* * *

TELEGRAM

TO: Teacher Izumi

FROM: Colonel Roy Mustang, Central City

DATE: 01/10

Fullmetal.

I can have your watch for this STOP Get your short ass back to Central this instant STOP

Colonel Roy Mustang

* * *

EEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

HAVE YOU THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

You left us so distraught when you left! You hurt us all! And that you think that we can't help you with your problems.... oh! I'll hit you with a bloody SPANNER when you get back. My largest one! SEVERAL TIMES! You're such an IDIOT!

I HATE YOU IHATEYOUIHATEYOU!

Come back, please. We all are missing you already. It's not the same without you here! We all love you too much.

Even though right now I want to kill you for going away. Have you ever thought about psychiatric help? Stop taking the most drastic solution possible! Don't you trust us enough to talk it out?

Have you even thought about what'll happen to your Automail while you're away? Without a mechanic there to fix it, you'll break it, or even worse! Not take care of it properly. Do you know how much time went into making it?

JUST COME BACK BEFORE I EXPLODE!

Waiting with a spanner aimed at your head,

Winry.

P.S. If you come back soon, I'll be less angry with you.

01/10

* * *

Edward.

They seem to be rather insistent that you come back.

Izumi.

01/15

* * *

Al, Winry.

I WILL NOT TELL YOU WHERE HE IS! LEAVE ME ALONE!

Izumi.

01/15

* * *

.

* * *

_As you can tell, the short letters are merely for humour, while the long ones will carry the plotline. Unless it's Winry that's talking. Then it's a mix. _


	3. White Fox

Dear Al,

Mustang? Panic about me? Al, what have you been smoking, and where can I get some? Hell, it's pass the time on this Godforsaken rock anyway.

And what the hell was that bastard doing anywhere near my desk? What the hell was he doing in our apartment? I hate that man and you know it, Al. Keep him away in future. For my sake, if for anyone.

It's rather pleasant here, actually, I've had a lot of time to think, because the atmosphere is very serene and calming, not like our island experiences with Wrath and Wolfman. Now there's no one to rabidly chase me through the woods except one or tow foxes, but even they're more afraid of me than I am of them. I can't get within about 10 metres of one before it decides to run.

Actually, speaking of foxes, there's this one pure white fox who seems to be an outcast compared to the others. They treat him (I'm pretty sure it's a him) in a word, like shit. The poor thing. They take away his kills, and He hasn't been eating well since I've been here. I don't know why, but I can really relate to him. He's also a bit smaller than the others. Kind of like me. (Note: Only I am allowed to call myself short. Because I'm not. Not at all.)

My feelings? Muted? I'm not actually sure, Al, I'm not sure what I feel anymore. I've tried to block off emotions for so long so that I can drive forward and help you, that I guess I'm not sure how to feel anymore. That is another thing that I'm hoping to learn away from you all, for the connection I have with you has caused me to act a certain way for so long, I'm not sure if that's even me anymore. My emotions are coming in sudden bursts now, and I want to return them to how they were before.

Hughes WAS my fault! Why can't you see that? He was killed because he was trying to look out for me! He never would have met Sloth if we hadn't of done... THAT to mum. I'm sorry Al; I can't see it any other way. And please don't try and convince me, my mind is made up.

I asked Teacher for a book to read when she was here, because at times, when I'm not eating, hunting, sleeping or looking out for the white fox, it does get pretty dull here. I've thought about teaching myself to swim, because there's a brilliant waterfall and a deep pool at its base and it looks like a brilliant place to do so. Teacher stayed for 3 hours helping me learn, and making sure I didn't drown. I've got bruises to show for where she hit me over the head a few times because I did it wrong. Now I can actually float on the water, though my Automail weighs me down a bit. She said I would be able to swim perfectly when I get my arm back. I never knew she had such high hopes for us, Al! Isn't that incredible! She's really not so ba

Al, don't cry. I didn't want you to cry, I made you cry. I'm so sorry, my brother. I hate making you upset, you understand, it makes me feel as if I've failed in my duty as a brother. Don't cry for me, I'm alright. Honest.

I'm sorry, Al, I can't come back, not until all my problems here are solved. Besides, this white fox is starting to really make me curious, because it doesn't have pink eyes like it should if it were an albino, it has the most startling golden ones that you've ever seen. I'm starting to think it might be a chimera, because at times it acts almost human. It's really confusing. It's worth staying just to try and figure it out.

I'm not ready to come home yet, Al, Not nearly ready.

I miss you,

Ed.

P.S Please confiscate Winry's spanner set? Pretty please?

01/17

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Teacher?

Might I enquire as to why you're writing me a letter when you can just talk to me?

Ed.

01/17

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Roy,

I AM NOT SHORT GODDAMNIT!!!!!

The forever TALL Fullmetal Alchemist!

P.S: You're such a bastard.

01/18

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Winry,

I kind of got some very mixed messages with that letter. Tell me straight. Do you love me, or hate me? You probably sounded more like a sibling then, then Al does. He's so bloody mature.

I'm sorry. I can't come back. And yes, I will risk life and limb and being hit over the head by your largest spanner several times.

I can't come back, I'm sorry. Not until I've discovered who I really AM again. You probably don't understand, or maybe you do. I've seen you look at me curiously before after one of my more sullen moments.

Think of this as a little holiday I'm taking. A holiday to a place you don't know about, and I didn't either until I came here. I'm even writing to you.

I know, that's going to be very hard to do, isn't it, but can you try? For me? And can you keep Al company for me? He's probably going to get lonely, because we've never really been apart before. I know I'm getting lonely occasionally. He'd really love it if you were around. I know he would.

Can you send me some machine oil please with your next letter? I only really had time to really pack a few spares of clothes, because Al would wake up any minute... Also teacher was rushing me. I'd really appreciate it if you could, because I forgot mine.

Tell Aunty Pinnako that I said 'hi' and that I really did think out this decision, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Cringing in fear,

Ed.

01/20

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_I apologise for the lateness of this fic. It's exceedingly hard to write, because I want to put what happens to Ed on the island, and there are a few things that I want to just 'slip out' without Ed realising. You know, things that he would normally keep from everyone. It's VERY hard to make that happen._

_Okay, I'm thinking about chucking in a few letters between the other characters, not only Ed and everyone. How would people like to see a chain between Hawkeye, Havoc and Fury for instance? _

_Next chapter, there's going to be Roy pulling Ed's leg which hints at that coupling, but it's really just Roy doing his best to piss Ed off, nothing more serious. IF you let me do the Hawkeye/Havoc/Fury chain, I'm going to make it incredibly uncomfortable for fury... IF you know what I mean. -Cough-_

_Also, there will be hints at Al/Winry, just because I think that that's SUCH a cute couple. The techno geek and the giant suit of armour. -Sighs dreamily-_

_-Coughs- in summary, this is going to be a -coughgasp!- Hetro only fic! Wow! There's a first time for me to write everything I guess. Lol. Next I'll be writing Inu/Kag! (Oh GOD no!)_

_Review and feed a hungry authoress? -Rattles a little can.-_


	4. Inter staff Memo board part 1

MEMO TO ALL STAFF:

There is now an inter department memo board located.... well... here. It is to be solely used for communication between the office on purely office related materials. Which means no flirting, (I'm looking at you Colonel, sir.) no swearing, no asking other members of the faculty out on Friday nights, and no talking about the Elric situation.

In other news, does anyone know where Edward went?

Risa.

---

What's that meant to mean Risa? I don't flirt that much, do I?

Roy.

---

Come on Roy, you flirt like the world will End tomorrow. Don't deny it. Risa, you do realise that you just broke one of your own rules, don't you?

On to other news, No, I have no idea where Edward went, but I do know that somehow Al managed to confiscate Winry Rockbell's Entire set of spanners.

Fury.

---

Kinky.

Havoc.

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Get your head out of the gutter before I forcefully remove it, Havoc.

Risa.

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Which one?

Havoc.

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Erm.... guys...

Fury.

---

Unless you want to find out what it's like to pee with no genetalia, Havoc, I suggest you stop the potty talk.

Risa.

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Guys....

Fury.

---

Whoo! Go Risa!

Breda and Farhman

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Wats dis thing 4?

Armstrong

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YAAAH! CHATSPEAK!

Entire faculty.

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Soz guys.

Armstrong

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That's alright Major. It's meant to be for discussing office related matters but it appears that we've gotten a bit side tracked. So stuff it. What's your thoughts on why Edward skipped out of town?

Roy.

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Y! It must b a trad. handed down 4 generations in his family, uc!

Armstrong.

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Riiight. In other news, WHO'S STEALING THE PAPERClIPS?????

Farhman.

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Sorry, My bad. I needed them to hold the colonel's paperwork together, WHICH HE STILL HASN'T DONE!

Risa.

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You see, I had a date yesterday, and I've still got a hangover! I'll do it all tomorrow! I swear! Don't hurt me please Risa!

Roy.

P.S. Apparantly Edward was depressed and skipped town because of it. Al mentioned something about him needing time alone.

---

Oh, that's old news sir! Speaking to Alphonse earlier, I found out that Ed's made a new friend, a white fox with gold eyes apparently.

Alphonse said he hoped it looked like Black Hayate. I told him that foxes and huskies are very different animals.

Risa.

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A white fox with golden eyes? How interesting! Now if only we knew what Fullmetal was smoking and where we could get some.

Roy.

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SIR! There are children reading this fanfiction!

Risa.

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What's that meant to mean, Risa?

Fury

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Yeah, What's a Fanfiction?

Havoc.

---

Oh, never mind.

Risa.

P.S. Good afternoon everybody. Have a nice weekend. Colonel, keep your pants on.

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_A/n: El filler chapter, don't you just love them?_

_I don't know why I put Armstrong in chatspeak. I have no idea why I did. I just did. Oh, and what he says is translated below._

_Wats dis thing 4? / What is this thing for?_

_Soz guys. / I am sorry everyone._

_Y! It must b a trad. handed down in 4 generations in his family. uc?/ Why! It must be a tradition handed down four many generations within his family. Do you understand? (Do you see?)_

_Next chapter I promise to stop being stupid and get on with the plotline. But one of these chapters might come along every once in awhile, if I feel we need a break. Also, I want to keep you in suspense about what Winry's reaction to the forgetful Edward who left his oil at home will be._

_Review and feed a hungry Authoress? -whimpers-_


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